Lessons from a Bar Flunker

Setbacks come naturally to life, perhaps second to breathing. The unfortunates will even get a shrill experience of the "Murphy's Law," that when things go bad it will just be. Dazed in amazement over the intensity of some issues, one can only shake his head and wonder. Inaccurate might the prospects of them seeping into our systems, struggles can either pierce our whole being or embolden us to create that better person in us.

I guess when it comes to experiencing failures I have become an authority. I used to be getting A's  from elementary to college. Government exams were not even too difficult to pass. I have not felt any tinge of inadequacy because I seemed to do well each time I took the test. But when I went to the College of Law things changed for me. 

Gone are the days when I would be getting A's. My grades were insanely bad. My professors wondered why I even enrolled in the law school when I seemed to lack the ability to even survive first year law. But as you can see, I still finished the course but the final test to whether or not the concepts were retained and mastered, the Bar exams had to be passed. I thought I knew the basics but the examiners thought otherwise so I failed. The first time I took it and failed was not as painful as I did the second time because it felt like I did not learn anything at all. 

The whole experience cut my heart and my mind was gripped with all disparaging words about myself like, " So you are smart? So I thought." "Your luster has died and you are no good." What could be worse than thinking that those people that I hurt in the past were just so jubilant about my failures. Magnified in my thoughts are their sneers and insults. My self- esteem plummeted. 

But how did I surmount my pitiful condition and started hoping and desiring again to take the Bar exams? Let me share to you the things that I forced myself to do in order to put my hopeful prospects back. 

1. Acknowledge the need need to be strengthened. When adversities befall us we tend to live a hermit life. We shy away from people even to trusted friends for fear that we would be ridiculed. Doing this however will cost us our own happiness and will further lead us to despair. Go out and look for your trusted friends. Share to them what you feel and honestly ask for their prayers. I did just that, the comfort that I got after was exhilarating.
2. Reconcile with God. Right after I failed the exams, I asked the Lord so many questions. Like I blamed Him for not honoring my prayers or even rewarding me for my efforts, I would reason in my head, that I  deserved to pass because I worked very hard for it. I invested so many sleepless nights for it, I knew I studied very hard too; all to no avail. I cried alone, grieving over God's decision. Even a firm believer like me despaired. But who am I to question the Lord? He knows the future! Jesus, who began the good work in us will be faithful to complete it. He will send people either to teach us or propel us to minister on God's unfailing love, similar to what He did to me. God is sovereign. He cannot be dictated upon. Being the creator that He is, He knows our very being and powerfully discerns what is best for us; so when what we prayed for remained unanswered, be still and ask for divine understanding. We might not immediately understand why bad things happen to us, we need to trust in the Lord because He is too good to be unkind. The safest place to be in when situations become unreasonable is in God's arms. 
3. Restore your self-worth. No one has the right to belittle you. It can only be so if you yourself  tolerated others to look down on you. However, the best assurance that we can hold on to is the truth about God's unconditional love, that whatever and however we become, He will take us to Himself unconditionally. Remember the cross. Jesus died for your sins and mine. He even became sin himself to offer to us His greatest sacrifice, His own life for our salvation. Aren't we so special to God? Acknowledging who Jesus is and the sacrifices that He endured will revive our hearts' desires and brighten our chances for better opportunities, that regardless of the hurtful remarks people say about us, it is definitely not the same with how Jesus thought of us. The abundance of His loving kindness will be ours to have and enjoy if only we would also take Him in our lives. Be confident in the Lord because He is a father that restores.

While failures are admittedly part of our lives, we can't do anything much but pray for God's leading.  Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength and intelligently learn from those painful experiences. Will I still take the bar exams again? Hmmm... Why not?  

Memories of Youth in Forest Drive Village

It was in 1973 when my family migrated to Bislig Surigao del Sur. I was 5 years old when we moved there. This migration was part of the employment package given by PICOP (Paper Industries Corporation of the Philippines) a paper milling company where for the duration of my father's stay was a foreman of that company. We were housed in a very nice village, they called, "Forest Drive." The houses were built about two to three meters above the ground, of similar designs varying only in color. Our house was right at the corner of Yellow Bell Street. It has two big bedrooms,  toilet and bath,  living room,  dining room, and a kitchen. For somebody who came from a rather shabby residence in Manila, this house was a dream come true.

I can still recall the rows of elegant wooden houses which are color coded, reminiscent of the houses in the suburbs of New York City in the late sixties. The houses were not gated and everybody was neighborly. I remember going out of the house even on a sunny afternoon exploring the area without my parents fearing of my safety since it was a relatively peaceful place.

When I turned 7 years old I went  to school for the first time. My sister and I attended at JMS De La Salle Learning Center. Similar to all kids who are attending school for the first time I was nervous. Especially so, I was not a reader when I went to school. Unlike today if you are not a reader even at seven years old, you will not be enlisted for Grade I. During the seventies it was a non-issue. Our teachers who were mostly singles and were from Manila as well were in mini skirts most of the time. Their lanky legs I enjoyed looking. Who could forget Ms. Alferez, my adviser who was so pretty in her long straight hair. Her patience and passion for teaching; however, overshadowed her physical attributes. Before the first quarter ended I could already read. Thanks to her.

There was also our Music teacher in Grade 1 and Grade 3  whose name  I could no longer recall (I hope she forgives me) who taught us songs which up to this day I remember. Songs that I was able  to use  in my own class as motivational tools. We also had plays which were usually excerpts from Hans Christian Andersen's Tales. She played the guitar well and sang beautifully. I love musical plays. Thanks to her too. 

Every morning, in our green and white uniforms,  we would assemble in the school grounds for the flag ceremony. There I remembered singing the Bagong Lipunan Song, "Bagong bansa, bagong galaw, sa bagong Lipunan." The Martial Law song. I was utterly clueless of the nation's politiical state because as a child I found security in our new place. Although I hear the sound of a siren every night  at the strike of 10 p.m. To me it was just a reminder that I was way past my bedtime. Only years after I knew that  the siren was a signal of the start of the curfew time, and that it was because of  Martial Law. 

Our brief stay in Bislig was like a dream. Similar to a dream, the comfort and security I felt was fleeting. The reality soon was exposed and reeked a foul smell literally and figuratively.